Leaning into Discomfort
No one likes being uncomfortable. Discomfort is nerves, sweaty palms, self-doubt, a little voice in your head saying: “I can’t do this!” It makes us feel anxious, unsure, inadequate, and under pressure. We are often so good at moving away from discomfort that we do it without even realizing. Instead of seeing our discomfort as the reason we have dis-engaged, we explain away our aversion to a situation or person by deciding we don’t like them or that we’re not interested in that activity.
Our monkey brain (the old part of the brain concerned with survival) interprets change and pressure as danger, and as a result our biology primes us to get out of uncomfortable situations and to do it fast! However, the truth is nine out of ten times we are uncomfortable because we are being stretched out of our comfort zone, not because we are in danger. By allowing our monkey brain to run the show we miss out on really important opportunities for growth.
It helps to think about moving through discomfort by visualizing ourselves existing within different comfort bubbles as shown in the diagram on the left.
In the easy bubble we are comfortable 100% of the time. We know how to do everything and we are good at everything inside this bubble. Staying here is safe and easy, but it results in no change, growth or progress.
Every time we are pushed to learn something new or tackle a new challenge, we are pushed out into the second bubble. In this bubble, things feel challenging and uncomfortable and we can’t progress on our own. In the middle bubble, reaching out and asking for help or resources is essential so that we can gain the necessary skills and knowledge to expand our easy bubble to fit around this new skill or challenge. However, all of this first requires us to change the way we interpret discomfort so that we can lean into, not run away from, this signal that we are being challenged to grow.
How to LEAN IN to discomfort.
Think about how you experience discomfort. What does it feel like? What sorts of things do you think? How do you react?
Begin to notice when discomfort is influencing your decisions and actions.
Interpret the feeling of being uncomfortable as a “signal” that you are in a learning or growth challenge.
Figure out what this situation is challenging you to learn.
Ask for help. What skills or resources do you need to learn and grow in this situation? Who can ask/where can you go for help? What action can you take to gain the necessary knowledge?
Practice your new skills, master them and expand your easy bubble.
Repeat!
This is an incredibly useful skill to cultivate, which results in rapid growth. Ultimately we waste a lot of time dancing around the discomfort of learning new things! Re-framing discomfort as a learning challenge allows us to zero in on the important skill or piece of knowledge we are missing and figure out how to fill in that gap in our ability.
The fact is, discomfort is an unavoidable element of a high-performance life. If we seek challenges and growth to fuel our development, then discomfort will become a familiar feeling…. for awhile. As we get better as re-interpreting discomfort as a learning challenge, the cool side effect is that our actual experience of discomfort starts to shift. Deciding what discomfort means to us takes back control from our monkey brain and builds new associations around discomfort. Instead of anxiety, we experience anticipation and excitement. Instead of: “oh shoot I don’t know how to do this, I’m going to mess it up and….” we think: “oh cool, I don’t know how to do this. Now that I know, I can learn how and I’ll be able to….”
We have the power to rewire our reactions. I really encourage you to give it a try.
So, my challenge to you is to work on recognizing and reinterpreting your discomfort over the next few days! Let’s see what is possible.