Overcoming the Curse of the High-Performer: Comparison

As a high achiever it’s likely that, consciously or unconsciously, you’ve been using comparison as a way to motivate yourself for most of your life. After all, we are often inspired to set big goals for ourselves after seeing others achieve something similar. Seeing others thriving, succeeding in an area we are passionate about, or doing something we previously thought impossible can be exciting and can motivate us to strive to do the same. But, comparison can also have a dark side. If we get caught in a cycle of constantly comparing our lives to others’ we can end up feeling perpetually dissatisfied with where we are and what we are doing. It can leave us feeling like we aren’t good enough because no matter what we do there is always someone who seems to be doing better. Left un-checked this type of comparison pattern can reduce motivation and promote poor mental health.

The rise of social media has created the perfect storm for our brains to go haywire with comparison. We have a constant window into hundreds, possibly even thousands, of people’s lives. Not only that we observe so many of the tiny details of each other’s lives that, prior to social media, we would have only known about a very select few.

For example, we now have insight into how thousands of people spend the first few hours of their mornings, plan their meals, move their bodies, manage their relationships, choose to travel, do their make-up, parent their children…. the list goes on. This means we suddenly have hundreds more comparison points than before. As a high achiever it can be tempting to fixating on “perfecting” every aspect of our lives, and now it can feel like there are a whole lot of areas to perfect. Cue stress and overwhelm!

So what can we do to balance out our obsession with comparing ourselves to others?

Let’s start with MINDSET.

When we look at other’s people lives from a FIXED MINDSET, we are often left feeling negative about ourselves and intimidated. This is because this mindset influences us to assume that other peoples success comes from natural talent or lucky circumstances. They seem to have something special that has gotten them to where they are. In comparison, we feel distinctly un-special and it seems impossible we could ever create the same outcomes for ourselves.

Instead, work on seeing other people’s lives through the perspective of a GROWTH MINDSET. This mindset comes from the belief that everyone can develop and improve their ability in any area with time, strategy and effort. With this mindset we see other’s success as a direct result of their effort and strategy, meaning if we can learn how they did it then we can do it too. Their success becomes proof of possibility and inspires us to learn from them and believe the same outcomes are within reach in our own lives.

Next, let’s tidy up our social media space.

Here’s what I recommend. Invest a couple of hours into unfollowing EVERYONE. Yep, you read that right! Don’t panic… keep reading ;). Once you’ve unfollowed everyone starting following people again but be very selective. Only follow people who truly inspire you and who’s stories and journeys can provide valuable insights and knowledge for your own. Most of you won’t do this because it will seem overly dramatic or unnecessary. I assure you, it’s not. By investing some time into curating your online space you are saving yourself thousands of hours of wasted time feeling crappy on social media in the future. Worth it? I think so!

Lastly, remember the most important person in your story is YOU.

In our world today we spend a lot of time thinking about other people. Here’s your reminder that YOU are the protagonist of your life and therefore much more deserving of attention than the hundreds of people on Instagram that you’ve never met. Everything quality we observe and admire in others is a reflection of a quality we have within ourselves already. If you admire kindness in others, then you are kind. If you admire hard work and determination, then you are determined and work hard. It doesn’t matter what other people are choosing for their lives. It’s much more interesting to focus on what YOU want to choose in yours.

Looking to others can be a great source of inspiration when we compare with a growth mindset, but don’t stay looking for so long that you forget to look back at yourself. The best way to drive success and performance is to simply compare yourself to yourself. Steady progress is what success is made of.

Interested in speaking through your own habits around comparison and creating an iron-clad feeling of self-confidence and belief that isn’t dependent on others? Reach out to schedule your free clarity call with Annika today.

Annika works with high performers in sport, fitness, and business to have them achieve their goals with balance and well-being. Find out more about Annika here, or follow her on Instagram here.