Pushing through the hardest part of habit change

Did you set a big, exciting goal in the new year? Congratulations, you have officially arrived at one of the most difficult stages of habit change. The stage where the initial motivation and energy has run dry, you’ve already messed up a few times - maybe failed to stick with your new routine of getting up earlier every weekday, or fallen off the new healthy living plan that seemed so obvious a month ago. It’s February and you’re feeling discouraged. Self-doubt is creeping in, and like many of us, you’re starting to wonder if that goal you set is even possible. 

Stop. Take a breath. Smile. This is totally and completely normal.

You, my friend, are in the Slump of Frustration. A dark, confusing place that we all fall into eventually as a natural part of the goal setting process. Happily, as you can see from the graphic above, it is not the end of our journey! 

Here are three things that can cause us to fall into the Slump of Frustration and the corresponding actions we need to take to lift ourselves out and forwards towards success. 

1. Your Goal and Plan are lacking in clarity. 

Chances are your initial goal was a little too vague. A vague goal means we don’t know exactly what we need to focus on in order to accomplish it. It may even mean we know that we want something to be different but we aren’t 100% sure what we need to do to create the change we are seeking. A lack of clarity means we fail to take action purely because of a lack of awareness and appropriate planning, planning that we can’t do successfully until we dive into the details of what’s involved in the goal. 

Here is a list of great questions to ask yourself in order to get the required clarity:

1. What is the single most important thing I can focus on daily to achieve my goal?

2. When will I need to pay attention in order to accomplish this one thing? 

3. What might I need to give up or stop doing in order to make this happen?

4. Am I willing to make the sacrifice this may require?

5. What obstacles can I expect to encounter during my week as I work towards this goal?

6. By thinking ahead how can I plan to reduce the risk of failing as a result of those obstacles?

2. You’re relying too heavily on motivation. 

I know what you’re thinking… surely motivation is exactly what I am supposed to rely on? I used to think that as well. However, as it turns out, motivation is incredibly unreliable. Even if something is really important to us, even if it is the most important thing to us in the whole wide world, we will not always feel motivated to do it. No one, even the most successful person you can think of, is motivated all the time. What successful people have cultivated is a strong and crystal clear sense of commitment and discipline. 

What’s key here is to start building an identity as someone who no longer relies on motivation and is therefore able to keep taking action even when you don’t feel motivated to do so. 

I find the following statements useful to help myself remember and affirm this new identity. 

I can do hard things. 

I am willing to struggle today to help myself move forward.

Growth and learning are more important to me than ease and simplicity.

I follow my plan, even when it feels difficult. 

I enjoy the process of building mastery in something. 

Borrow one or more of these, or come up with your own statements. Learn these statements by heart and say them to yourself in moments of motivation struggle. Remember, we are always upgrading and expanding our identity. 

3. You’re being too hard on yourself. 

If you, like so many of us, have set a goal for yourself in 2022 that’s driven by fear instead of reward, it’s very likely that you are already feeling worn down by the constant presence of the negative emotions associated with that goal. 

A fear driven goal comes from a need to avoid something unpleasant. They often sound like this: I have to loose weight so that I don’t embarrass myself at my son’s wedding. I have to move up a competition level or I’m going to get left behind by all my friends. I have to succeed in my business or I’m going to be a failure. 

In contrast, a reward driven goal sounds more like this: I want to lose weight so I can feel healthier and have more energy to invest in quality time with my family. I am working to move up a competition level because I am ready for the challenge and I want to make sure I am constantly working to improve. I am growing and building my business to build stronger financial security and help more people. 

A fear driven goal constantly brings us back to fear, anxiety, stress, and worry about failure and the possible consequences. We can mistakenly think fear driven goals are better, because of a commonly held false belief that fear is a great motivator. 

It’s not. 

Research shows that self compassion and focusing on rewards creates more commitment and more self-control in the long run, both of which come in handy in the pursuit of our goals!

So… dive back into the details of what you want to achieve, reaffirm yourself as growing into someone who doesn’t rely on motivation to get things done, and remember to be kind and patient with yourself as you refocus on the benefits and rewards waiting for you once you have achieved your goal. 

Interested in discovering the key mental strategies that will improve your performance? Book a discovery call with Annika today!